Anger disorder and abuse often go hand in hand. Yet anger does not have to lead to aggression or violence. It is an emotion that can be a motivator for creating and maintaining healthy boundaries.So it’s OK to be angry, as long as you don’t harm yourself or anyone else. Next time that your anger finds you losing control, follow the A..N..G..E..R coping and de-escalating steps.
Awareness - Admit to yourself that you are in fact nagry. Pay attention to what is happening in your body, language and thoughts. That helps you to also discover what triggers your anger in the first place.
Neutralize - Calm yourself and take a deep breath. Unclench your fists and have a drink of water.
Get Out - Remove yourself from the situation with a time out. Go for a walk or listen to music - Do whatever (not drugs) takes you into a calmer state of mind.
Examine - Ask yourself what triggered your anger. Are you tired or are you revisiting past unresolved issues? Can you identify the source of your anger? What can you do differently next time?
Return & Get Real - Talk to the other person about your feelings, using “I” statements instead of blaming. Stick to the facts and try deep listening in working things out.
If repeated anger disorder that leads to abuse becomes a pattern in your relationship, chances are that this behavior was learned in childhood. That means courage, awareness and commitment to undo familial patterns. Violence stems from various scenarios yet often it is caused by jealousy and infidelity.
Helena Green, BA EFTCP CCIP RPC MPCC
Master Practitioner in Clinical Counselling
Registered Professional Counsellor
Certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner
Certified Energy & Somatic Psychology
Counselling for the Health of It
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